Do they go to better parties than you, have more friends? Do their kids win more awards and their houses look nicer?
If a scan of your friends' Facebook or Instagram is leaving you feeling like you might be missing out on the good things in life, you're not alone, and you're not imagining it. Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO, is a recognised cause of stress and anxiety and it's hitting teenagers hardest.
While all age groups feel stress and worry caused by FOMO, the problem affects around 50 per cent of teens and 25 per cent of adults.
For teenagers, the key worries driven by social media are feeling bothered when they miss out on social gatherings, worrying when their friends are having fun without them and fearing that their friends are having more rewarding experiences than them.
While FOMO has been tossed around in conversation for some time, this year the Australian Psychological Society took it seriously enough to include questions on the topic in its annual Stress and Wellbeing survey.
What they found confirms that social media, and the FOMO it can cause, are significant drivers of stress in both adults and teens.
In findings that raised red flags for psychologists, a significant number of teenagers reported using social media while they eat, just before they go to sleep and within minutes of waking.
One in four teenagers surveyed reported using social media while they were eating both breakfast and lunch, seven days a week. And more than half were connected to social media 15 minutes before sleeping every night.
While adults spent an average of 2.1 hours a day connected to social media, teens spent an average of 2.7 hours. The survey found that more than half of the teens surveyed found it hard to sleep or relax after spending time on social networking sites and 60 per cent felt "brain burnout" from being constantly connected to social media.
While heavy social media use has a proven impact on teenagers' ability to relax and the quality of their sleep, its affect on stress and anxiety is less well documented.
The APS report found that social media has a far greater impact on teens than previously thought, playing a key role in their identity formation and search for a sense of self.
Psychologist and author Andrew Fuller says there are a significant number of young people who immerse themselves in social media to such an extent that it is affecting their mental health and general wellbeing.
"We live in a world where relationships are changing quite dramatically, connections are more virtual, and we need to think about the effect of that. Given much of our life's happiness is dependant on the quality of our relationships we need people with good relationship skills."
Fuller says teens who spend too long online are missing out on face-to-face connections with family and friends as well as conversation skills and learning to consider others points of view. He says it is easy online to only associate with those who share your opinions.
"The loss of conversation, quality conversation is alarming. A sense of belonging is incredibly protective and one of the ways we form those connections is through conversation. People don't have the same emotional response with you online as they do face-to-face."
Fuller advises parents of teenagers who are spending too much time online to slowly wind this back, set limits and introduce more face-to-face activities. He warns that it is a mistake to threaten to ban social media outright as this could leave teens feeling even more isolated and vulnerable.
"It's not all bad or evil but we need to be aware and mindful otherwise it can dominate us. It's an easy way to distract ourselves and withdraw, to dive into virtual relationships, they tend to be less problematic."
The APS annual survey also found that Australians' anxiety levels are the highest they have been for the past five years and many of those with high levels of anxiety are "self-medicating" with risky behaviours such as drinking, gambling, smoking and drugs.
Professor Lyn Littlefield, executive director of the APS, says it is worrying that people are turning to potentially harmful and addictive behaviours to manage stress. She says alcohol, smoking and gambling could take a toll on personal finances as well as physical and mental health.
"There is a vicious cycle involving people finding personal finances and health are the main reasons for stress, yet certain stress relief methods are potentially contributing to people's problems in the long-term."
The APS report also found Australians' anxiety and depression symptoms have increased over the five years, with anxiety symptoms peaking this year.
Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in Australia, affecting about one in four people. And mental health organisation beyondblue cautions that it is a mistake to confuse feeling anxious for a personality quirk.
"Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried," beyondblue says. "While stress and anxious feelings are a common response to a situation where a person feels under pressure, it usually passes once the stressful situation has passed, or 'stressor' is removed.
"Anxiety is when these anxious feelings don't subside. Anxiety is when they are ongoing and exist without any particular reason or cause."
Tips for helping teens manage their social media use
- Set time limits
- Encourage other activities
- Stay involved in your child's online activities
- Don't threaten to ban all access to the internet. (The main reason teens don't tell their parents when they are bullied online is fear of losing computer access.)
- Devices, including smart phones, out of the room at night
- No technology at least half an hour before sleeping
- Websites such as Cold Turkey allow students to block all distracting websites for a set period while they study
