YOU just talk about something else.
Over the two most challenging years of his life, that has been James McQuillan's way of coping with the toughest days.
“It's probably not in the handbook of what you're meant to do, but it works for me,” he said this week.
The strategy became necessary in April 2014 after James, then 20, suffered a serious spinal cord injury on the football field playing for Albury Tigers.
Diagnosed with quadriplegia, he spent about 329 days in hospital and rehabilitation, undergoing nerve transfer surgery five months after his accident.
But let's talk about something else.
Today James lives with his girlfriend of four-and-a-half years Kathryn James and their 18-month-old golden retriever Ellie.
Much has changed since he first came to Albury in 2012 off the dairy farm near Echuca where he grew up – some important things, however, have stayed the same.
James is still a university student whose interests include sport, especially football, music and woodwork.
After returning to his physiotherapy studies last year, James has now switched to accounting.
“I was actually going OK but just practically it didn't seem like the right fit any more, so I felt like I'd like to change,” he said.
“I liked numbers, I was never particularly good at them; I do like them though and I think that's half the battle.”
He also works part-time doing administration at the injury management department of Joss Group. Workers' compensation manager Chris Hyde, also Tigers co-coach in 2014, said James had fitted into the role easily, with just a few computer modifications.
“He's obviously in a wheelchair ... but as far as the job that he does with us, you wouldn't know whether he was in the chair or not in the chair, he does his job perfectly,” Chris said.
A major plus has been James getting a modified car just before Christmas, which he learned to drive over about 15 lessons.
Kathryn described this as a final step towards independence for her boyfriend.
“Just little things like driving yourself to work or James going to pick up some groceries if I've forgotten something and I'm cooking tea,” she said.
“I spend a lot more time at the supermarket than I used to,” James added with a grin.
“I can't reach the top shelf or anything so I yell out and people are always willing to help.”
Sometimes strangers do stare or stop them in the street to talk about being in a wheelchair but James and Kathryn accept that as normal.
“People are curious,” James said.
“Interested how I do things, how I get down the street and go across gutters.”
And the reality is daily routines that others take for granted do require more time.
“I had a 10 o'clock lecture the other day and I got up at six, I was almost late,” he said.
“You have to allow a bit extra for the commute, to get down the street takes a bit longer, the supermarket's longer.”
Ellie, the couple's gift to themselves that just keeps on giving, has become a key part of the family.
“I was still in rehab in Melbourne when we got her,” James said.
“Everyone wanted to play with her and we brought her in all the time.”
Although definitely a pet rather than an assistance dog, “I always pick up and throw her toys, so it was probably a little bit of rehab, I suppose, I'll claim that”.
James and Kathryn’s experience could strain the strongest relationship, but Kathryn seems genuinely puzzled when asked about that possibility.
“I don't know how to answer that question, it never really was hard,” she said.
“When James got hurt we just got through it together.”
But not alone, as they are quick to acknowledge.
Along with the constant support of family and close friends, communities across northern Victoria reached out to help the young man injured doing what so many young men do each weekend.
James' face became known throughout Albury-Wodonga, Yarrawonga, Echuca, Bendigo and elsewhere as numerous fundraisers took place in the name of the James McQuillan Future Fund.
One of those ventures, the Big Day Off, has expanded into a wider scheme to assist people with spinal injuries.
Family friend Mick Blomeley, who had the initial idea of raffling days off from work, said from the start the organisers believed it could grow bigger.
“James would have preferred it that way too,” Mr Blomeley said.
“I mean, James always struggled with it all being about him, there's a much broader need in the community for help.”
Funding aids research and the young couple feels finding an eventual cure has become a case of when rather than if.
“I don't follow it terribly closely, I don't want it to engulf my life,” James said.
“But it's always nice when an article pops up in social media and you give it a read, it's always positive.”
And so, if you'll excuse the segue, is James, with his lack of self-pity and upbeat attitude a common theme from those around him.
Mick, introduced to James about four years ago through football, praised his selflessness and compassion.
“What I found with him when we first met him, when he'd walk away from whomever he'd met, everyone would say the same thing, they'd say what a lovely young kid,” Mick said.
“And they still say it.”
Chris said James wasn’t the type to feel sorry for himself.
“While he's had the accident, you can't take away his personality or his attitude,” Chris said.
“From an outsider looking in, the way that he goes about his life now, it's a real credit to him and his family.”
The second anniversary of the accident passed by quietly last month on a work day.
“I suppose I thought about it for a bit but when I got to the office we were really busy, so I forgot about it,” James said.
Kathryn said they had come a long way from the times when “we celebrated because he fed himself a chip”.
“Things are starting to feel normal and we're sort of into more of a routine,” she said.
“It's just life now, I guess, it's not all about rehab and all about spinal injury it's just us going about daily life, it's nice.”
As James puts it, “bit of uni, bit of work, bit of play”.
“We're pretty happy, we're in a good spot, plenty of friends around and having fun, it's going really well,” he said.
Now that’s something to talk about.
